Visible from the length of time it took for this final part of my series to be published, I struggled to choose a final topic to sum up my series. I actually wrote a full length article on grief, but in retrospect, it doesn’t seem to match my message although it is something I do wish to discuss in the future.
Then I realized that I needed to return to basics. My title. Why did I name it what it is?
I read through my previous posts and as I was reading part two of this series, I realized I had said that I certainly won’t be giving my own graduation speech. And yet, at the beginning of this month, I stood in front of my peers and gave one. For me, it was a decision that took a lot of audacity and courage and I’m so proud of myself for being able to go for it. In the past six months of pondering over and writing this series, I have taken more risks than I had ever anticipated. I honestly had no clear idea of where Dr. Brown’s message would take me and as I had mentioned earlier, even in writing this final article, I changed my mind about the topic several times. I didn’t want to just discuss grief and moving on, but how vulnerability often goes hand in hand with grief as we are daring to leave behind our comfortable stages.
This entails gaining experience at the expense of innocence. Realizing new passions while partially or wholly losing what we loved as children. Understanding the flaws of ourselves and the people around us. Healing our broken hearts from the friends who we thought would be there for a lifetime, from the parents who we saw as our supermen and wonder women, and from the personal selves we thought were all made and relatively perfect. Forgiving even when the memories cannot be forgotten and the pain cannot be erased. Blessing those who cursed you, wished the worst for you, and broke you. Choosing to take the risk to love even when you’re not sure if the other person will choose to love you.
I made all of these choices of vulnerability not to gain some sense of satisfaction or to feel free because honestly, at the face of some of these decisions, I certainly could not see the bright side. I made the choice to understand, to experience, to heal, to forgive, to bless, and to love because it was necessary. Vulnerability is an absolute necessity, particularly in a society where love is losing meaning of compassion and understanding and where blame is quickly placed over forgiveness. There is a lot of pain that I have experienced, but there are also tremendous inflictions which I have not undergone. And I certainly do not mean for us stay in a cycle of pain or excuse the things someone has done to you because as I have mentioned, vulnerability is twofold: to leave behind and to reach forward. I mean to make the choice to understand their position, to forgive, and to love. And to apply this love to yourself because you are important, priceless, and deserving of it.
Now, at the official end of this series in which I have asked society to put vulnerability on trial, I hope I have made my case that vulnerability deserves a second, third, fourth, forever glance. That it is a quality and way of living which everyone should understand and implement. That vulnerability is not something that can be instantly purchased and made ours, but rather that being vulnerable is a choice to be made every day. And this is what I meant when I titled my series, when Dr. Brown gave her speech and wrote her books, and when President Roosevelt said, “If he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly.” Rewiring vulnerability is a continuous journey and one which I am just beginning to understand, but am certainly grateful to have embarked and have shared with you.
As Written by Lois 