I wish I never met you.
Because then I wouldn’t have to try so hard to forget you.
To forget the fantasy I created to try to keep you.
And the crushing reality of who you actually are when I realized you loved to take advantage of me.
You made me feel like I was in control.
In reality, you were the master manipulator pulling me like one of your marionettes.
You nurtured me with your narcissism and violence.
And I suppose you also had your wounds, but you never hesitated to give me so many of my own.
So I believed that unconditional love had to be earned on your conditions and I never had enough.
I began to embrace fractured love as my everything.
And when anyone threw me a crumb, I thought I was being thrown a party.
I believed: “Love hard and fast before they leave, but let go just as quickly. That way, you won’t get hurt.”
Because to not get hurt was everything in a world where I somehow always got hurt.
Now, I have a whole kind of love.
Now, I live in a world where I don’t have to worry about getting hurt. Because even when the world around me is a mess, and I am in shambles, I have a love that tells me “it’s okay.”
I have a love that hears me, cries with me, hugs me, and searches for joy with me.
As Written by Lois 