Written on May 27, 2024.
I heard a loud voice from above calling out names. I recognized some of them. Some were people at my school. Others were from my church. But I started walking away because I knew for a fact that my name would not be called. I knew for a fact that I did not belong. I turned around and faced away, but what lay ahead of me looked dark. I knew I didn’t belong there, but surely I didn’t belong here. But for some reason, even though I knew I wouldn’t hear my name, I stayed for just a moment longer, waiting for something. I didn’t know what, but I stood waiting before I started to walk out. Just as I was about to take my first step out, I heard the most gentle whisper calling my name. My name. I turned around towards the One who called me, but there were so many barriers blocking my view of Him. I could only see a small bit of light radiating over the top of the walls. I said, “Lord, is that you? I thought you would never call my name. But now that you have, is this a mockery? Why would you call me and not allow me to see you? How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me?”
And the Almighty Adonai shining ahead of me gently whispered, “Incline your ear, and come to Me. Hear, and your soul shall live. And I will make an everlasting covenant with you. The sure mercies of David.”
“But Lord, You feel so far away. And I have so many sins. And You know my dark past. I cannot step onto Your holy ground. I cannot dare to lift my face to You. This wall of pride and guilt and doubt blocks my way, Lord. How can I possibly get through it?”
At that, God Almighty answered me, “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
Then I heard a voice not of Him but from beyond my barrier saying, “Are you ready to love the God who loves you?
“Yes, Lord. Here I am.”
“Yes, there you are, my child.”
Oh, how I long to be understood. And how I fear to be seen as a work in progress. And yet, the God of the universe tells me that He knew me even before my mother’s womb. My Father in heaven saw me before I was even formed and in His book my days were written, long before there were any. My Father loves me more than I can ever know. And I cannot be more loved than I am right now.
I am beloved.
I am beloved.
I am beloved.
God says I am beloved.
So I am beloved.
Whether I believe it or not,
If God says I am truly beloved,
Then I am beloved.
Oh soul, praise Your God who loves you.
As Written by Lois 