Oh, how deeply I was wounded.
Oh, how much it hurt all the more
when I looked to the heavens for solace
when I called out to the God I had sought so earnestly and familiarly since my days of youth
and I was met with a chill through my bones.
Silence? From a God who is everywhere, knows everything, and is all powerful?
I’ve sought you faithfully and this is how You respond?
Oh, God. Don’t You care? Don’t You see?
Aren’t You supposed to be my Great Comforter and my Wonderful Counselor? You’re supposed to be my God, my Jesus who calms the great storm.
Wake up, God.
Don’t You care?
Don’t You know how much my heart hurts?
And so I swore and cried.
Why won’t You care?
Why won’t You heal me?
Why do You mock me,
telling me You see all and love me,
and yet You leave me in my suffering?
Why don’t You love?
Why?
“Trust me.”
What? Trust You?
Why should I trust You?
Then I answered my own question. Even in that moment of silence from the God above and my angry irreverence, I couldn’t deny His existence. Even as my mind questioned His love, I couldn’t deny His goodness. I couldn’t deny that He had kept my life safe through the fire. I couldn’t deny the blessings. I couldn’t deny the love of people. I couldn’t deny the beauty of the trees. I couldn’t deny the cold wind on my face. I couldn’t deny His love even as I wanted to. I can’t deny Your love.
I’m sorry.
I need Your peace right now.
Please, God.
It hurts too much.
“Peace, be still.”
And just like that, He swallowed my every irreverent question, my every choked cry, my every punch at the sky, my every rash word. He met my angry tears with nothing but peace. He met me in the whirlwind of my mind’s lies and brought peace. Just as I asked.
Imagine that Jesus is sitting next to you right now. What is He saying to You?
“I love you, Lois.”
“Why?”
Why would You love me? I’m not worth loving. I’m-
“Because I do.”
You do?
You do.
Even after everything, you do.
Thank You.
I love You, too.
As Written by Lois 